Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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