a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
