Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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