so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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