It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
