I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
