you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
