Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
