whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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