I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
