My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
