3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pants are for mortals
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
