so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
