My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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