Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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