Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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