i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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