So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
