I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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