Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
