Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
