I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
