Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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