I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
