so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
