Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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