I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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