maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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