i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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