Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she looked like the before picture.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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