a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
