drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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