just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
