i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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