Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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