He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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