i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's just like the Real World with babies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
