I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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