My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
