all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
