I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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