I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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