I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
