my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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