therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
