BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
