How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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