I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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