Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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