So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
