i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
