you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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